my personalitty according to Tarot

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

may gash. yun lang ang masasabi ko

Pupunuin ko ng pagibig ang post na ito!

Nathan, wala munang topics sa blogspot tungkol sa mga pagibig mo, "sa ano"(alam ni fiona to). Sa insecurities mo. Sawang sawa ka na siguro dahil wala pang nangyayare sa mga attempts mo, kung tutuusin, di ka pa naman talaga nagaatempt, So anung isusulat mo?Ewan!

Tungkol ba sa walang kamatayan nyong lakad ni Jerome sa Southmall at atc? Sa gusto mong maging crush sa cvg para pampalipas oras, Sa mga balak mong gawin: muay thai, kickboxing. sailormoon-martial arts(LOL!). Bili ka kaya ng psp para maexecute mo with perfection ang 10-hit combo ni Ana o kay ni Lili sa Tekken, tingin ko wag ka na munang bibili ng marameng bagay ngayun, lalo't bagong salta ka ulet sa Alabang. At talagang mawawala na ata ang Spr** na account since sabi ni Jerome ay 400 ang matatransfer sa dtv galing sprint(ay buko!) So tayo na ata yung magoocupy ng buong second floor. Wawa naman ang mga patron ng account na yun, muka pa namang masaya sila.

So anu na ulet ang gusto mong isulat? Sino ba ang crush mo sa cvg. Ewan, pinipilit ko lang syang maging crush para may rush habang nakikita ko sya. Pampagana na din pumasok, ok ang pagkachubby nya, at Richard ang pangalan nya, nakatira sa southville, sa may Toyota! Walking distance para i stalk sa Pilar(hehe) pero ang layo pa din nun ah. Ito na lang, since nakikinig ako ng Runaway ng Corrs, buhay pagibig na lang. Wait! palitan ko ang song...hmmmmm. Ok ito: All you wanted ni MIchelle Branch. Yan ang pinakikinggan ko kapag naiingit ako sa taong gusto kong maging katulad. In short kapag naiingit ako at short ang pondo ng self-esteem, Sabi kasi ni Michelle Branch sa Making the Video ay ang kantang ito ay, englishin ko na lang: All you wanted is for people whom you think are so happy on the outside...yet you don't know what is happening inside of them, behind the curtains, all they wanted was for someone who could understand...infairness parang ganyan ang pagkakasabi nya so wag mo akong i quote para di sabit.

Routine naman ang buhay ko eh so parang walang major update. Shet, tumutogtog ang Sa Langit ng Moonstar88..pagibig kong itong laging bitin, panay sulyap puro tingin di na talaga papansin. Teka lang, may taong idenedicate ko tong kantang to eh. hmmm, maalala nga. Di naman pede si leonardo kasi di naman lumabas tong kantang to nung high school. Anu ba 'yan, di ko ka tuloy maalaala, sa dinami dami ba naman ng mga naging infatuation ko nung bata bata pa ko eh, maaalala ko pa kaya lahat.

Ah ito, "interesting:" nawalan na ako ng gana sa Porn. Naumay ako, naging paulet ulet na lang kasi eh, at isa pa lalo lang nagbubuild up yung longing for someone na pangarap ko na matagal pa bago matupad. Mahinain ang loob ko. Kaunting emotional attack lang eh, nagtatampo na ako. di naman ata mahinain ng loob yun eh no, parang matampuhin...I-term na lang naten na ganun para di negative. Grabe ang layo ng naging succeding sentece ko sa sana ay porn-related na paragraph, soooo far-fetched. Pero ibig sabihin lang nun, walang malaking impact sa buhay ko ang porn, isang libag lang sya kumbaga, isang kuskos lang ng hilod tanggal na.

Isa pa tong news sa Gma tungkol kay pacquiao, syempre sasambahin na naman ng mga tao ang "pambansang kamao" hehe buti na lang ang Directv sa cvg pinalabas sya ng live at walang commercial break, Naku di ako patron ni "saint pakyaw" ah. Yes magaling sya at isang "karangalan" talaga ang maging isang boksingero tulad nya, pero parang naging over commercialized na sya, ginagawa pa tuloy na spoof si pakyaw(mas madaling itayp sa keyboard ang "pakyaw" sa "pacquiao" kaya ganyan) sa pagsasalita nya. Speaking of boxing, may napanuod ata ako sa ch2(ch 7 ata eh) tungkol sa mga batang boksingero na gustong gayahin sa pakyaw, gustong maging mayaman ng walang aral aral ang punto ata nila, parang soon-to-be-a-millionairre. Sana naman atugapin muna nila ang kanilang edukasyon para umahon sa kahirapan. Sino ba ang di gustong yumaman?! At sino din ba ang di gustong maging sentro ng attention paminsan minsan?
Kung si Bentong kaya ang isang magaling na atleta, magiging Santo din ba sya?


At akala ko ba wala kang naiisip, bakit ang dami mo nang naisulat?

Ito pa pala, may naalala akong libro sa National pero limot ko na yung title. Tungkol sa E-heads, shet, sino ba naman ang di makakarelate sa e-heads, pambansang banda yun eh! Grade 5 ata ako nun nung una kong mapakinggan ang kantang "Toyang." At gusto ko lang maalala na naging parte ako ng henerasyon ng taong nagsisimulang mangarap ng malake. At nasan na ako ngayun--ito nasa call center at Malake na din. Di ba Tangina?!

Mabuti na siguro ang impromptu na post minsan, sobra sobrang refreshing ang isulat sa wordpad ang mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isip mo, na minsan ang hirap mahuli kung nakatunganga ka lang sa screen at pinipilit kung emo ba ang post o drama-induced/MMK with matching Cherie Gil making sampal sa bida ang magiging topic. Making sampal, haha, kay dave ko nakuha yun eh!Making tulak naman sa kanya pala.

So pagsusumaryo ng naisulat ko, mga 20 porsyento lang ata ang emo. At least di nakakaumay eh no. Sawa na din kasi akong mag emote eh. Ahh, ito pa, dati rati, nagtatanung pa ako kung panu ko dudugtungan ang istorya ko sa pagdedeydreaming(talaging kinarir ko!). May mga tampo scene pa nga kami ni Jayvee Gayoso eh(sya ang naging dahilan kung bakit parate kong isinusulat sa mga hiniraman kong pamaypay nung highschool ang pangalang "Angel11." Remember usong uso ang mga pamaypay na puro "Casper" at mga gangsta codes ang nakasulat sa tela nito, ewan ko lang sa school nyo, pero nung "kapanahunan" ko yun ang click.)Kadiri no!


Ito ang pinakamasaya kong post sa lahat ng isinulat ko, halata naman diba. Ganito ako magisip, impromptu, prangka, at wala ng process process ng isip kung di maganda pakinggan, output na sya kaagad! Sarcastic din daw. Basta ganun. So next time ulet mga frienships! Whops! last na last na talaga to, napapangiti ako kapag ginagamit ang frienship as term of endearment. Unique kasi eh.

Parang ako, nAks!Ok alis na ako, pakiss!

Katangahan galore

This story of mine started out four years ago, everytime I go malling, a bookstore is a place wherein I usually visit. I get through skim thru glossy magazines to indimidate myself if I can be the person in the picture in the not so near future. I tend to challenge my ego...sometimes I dream of having a gala affair with the Prietos. Tessa, should be there, i thought, for I will sport how creative i am too. Feathers and balloon fusion "terno" would make her gaga over my creation. When reality sinks in and I am as jologs as the term JOLOGS, I would put the magazine down--my dreaming haze has reached it's finality. I wake up from daydreaming then left the magazine station.

On the corner of my eye while checking out the fashion books I would love to spend my Jollibee money on, something caught my attention. It was book, a book with two faces split diagonally the combined as one, Face Forward was it's title. Kevyn Aucoin, the late, great make up artist of the stars, was it's author. I picked the hardbound copy of it, it feels so heavy, then upon opening, I found him!

His name was Alex Peruzzi, you can see him on page 143 on face Forward. A former lover of Kevyn, now a "confidant and one of my best friends" says the author. This manhattanite was transformed by his ex from a georgous guy to a quintessential supermodel, which I so admire--Linda Evangelista-through make-up. Wait, I became "depressed" because "i fell in love with him so much." Don't fret yet, that was eight years ago!

There are times I would constantly think of him as my "soulmate" for whatever reason--love(very cheesy), creating love stories beetween me and him was my way of wasting time."ilove you baby! Iove you tooo, tsup tssssup--that type(goosebumps!)My friends tell me it's pathetic. It's true, but for me daydreaming bout alex was my lifeblood. It's the only time I can share my emotions to the universe(hello!anybody there?!) It's futile, useless. melodratically stupid but nonetheless a worthwhile, beautiful was to wast time.

And lately I've been thinking about my present sanity. Imagine: me going loco for someone who haven't seen me yet(probably never) Someone from New York(the farthest place I've been to on a "gala" was in Tagaytay) and someone who doesn't know I exist a trace. Hopeless romantic or fool, am I? nah! maybe both!

Everytime the sone "betty davis eyes" play on the radio, my mind conjures up images that speaks fo WInter. Winter in new york. And of course Alex holding hands withhis "proper" soumate, notme. What can i do to tell him i like him very much?! AHA! The Internet. After googling him for several hours, I can't find him, not a trace whatsoever! I thought, I don't have a hope, do I?

Jealousness washed over me, What if h'es married to another guy, having the time of their lives and settling down with kids as a family? I could answer that question. I can only give a Maybe.

Hope is still there--you can never lose it. It will never lose it'seternal shine. But as for me, it might be a good idea to fly to newyork, not for greener pastures, but to Find Alex. It would take years before I can accomplish that, and by then, he would have been too old for my liking.

Well, right now, it might just be a dream and a nightmare altogether

*gosh, i have written this piece 8 years ago. I was 16 years old back then. Grabe, ang tagal na no? May ibang part na kinilabutan ako sa kakornihan eh At isinulat ko pa yan sa notebook ko at sa likod ng mga isinulat ko may mga nakalistang ng mga bagay na gusto kong gawin bago ako magsettle down, ala bucket list hehe at sa notebook ding yun, ay nakasulat ang lahat ng mga callcenter offices sa makati at ortigas sa gusto kong aplayan. At si Alex ang dahilan kung bakit simula ng magcolcenter ako, Alexis na ang name ko sa phone(after haruka, Michiro hihih!).At(there's more) nakasulat din sa notebook na yun ang mga crush ko na dinaan ko sa F.l.a.m.e.s H.o.p.e. Let me count the ways, hmm. arnel caporal/carporal(na isang twink sa jollibee sm dati, na wala na akong balita kung nasan na sya ngayun) si Leonardo Cuaderno, na kamukha ni Tom Cruise, at dancer sa highschool namen at sinamba samba ko at sinundan ko hanggang bahay, si Richard Chan, ang taong sinundan ko talaga hanggang moonwalk para alamin din ang bahay nila, na naging dahilan ng paguwi ko "while crying in the rain." Ang sarap balikan ng mga katangahan mo dati, ang daming nagbago na kasi.At tinagao ko na nga pala yung post ko tungkol kay troy kasi pinabasa ko yun sa kanya eh, tapos nagsorry din ako after ilang verbal clashes thru text. ok na kame. ata. at binura ko din yun to give my respect to him. it's not troy's fault in da perst plays. yun lang

Updates lang.

I have promised myself that I won't be eating too much of unhealthy stuff since I don't want to turn into a putik- looking balyena. Guess what?! Two cups of instant noodles, three bars of ChocoMucho, tons of sugar from my coffee and no exercise(or sex!).



I really need to pour my heart and soul into this agenda otherwise I'll soon eat up my own words(sounds yummy!)
The good news is that I have purchased a tea from Cw lifestyle cafe which makes me feel im always on the top of my game. Work doesn't weigh me down as much as it does since I began sipping "green tea matcha powder."



I'm at work; it's 1:56am. My shift will end at 5am. I am not tired, yet I feel so full.



But I ate three apples before I came here(na sa sobrang kapataygutoman, di na hinugasan--pinunasan na lang ng paper towel. hehe). Panu naman kasi, I need to lose my belly fat cos it poses a threat to my overall health(im more concerned on reversing hypertension and preventing diabetis is on my list too)

.

Oh before I lose this good-feeling: walter and I are friends again after two years of not talking, it inspired me to be fitter since he looks sexy. Besides I have given my friend enough time to reconsider my position sa barkada(two years!!)


He said that I've missed the '06 rollercoaster ride part of his life. If I compare my "ride" in '06 with his, mine would be neglible. Here is his txt: "06 was my year. I had My 1st real bf dat lasted almost 2 years. I strtd going to the gym. And to sum places. Masaya ang '06 ko ati".

I still have six months to prove to myself that things happen if you act upon your desires. It would be perfect to look back on the things I will soon accomplish on this blog.


Watch out.

Goodbye fats!

No more diet

Time for a lifestyle change. I have become fat the past few months and it weighs down my confidence since I can no longer wear tight-fitted shirt which makes me feel and look "cool."
First, it's not going to be a fad that will soon fade in time, this will be a lifetime pledge to become healthy. Health is wealth as they say, I should take care of it since Im on the pinnacle of good health, besides, I have to do something to counter hypertension or the pending "jabetis, which is both we have a history of.

The changes that I will be doing are as follows:

Limit my intake of fatty and fried foods to at least once a month. So it means, goodbye Jollibee or Mcdo or the kwek kwek across the street or the isawan infront of Southmall everytime I go out to "make gala."

Everytime I feel the hunger, I would drink at least two bottles of water first or eat a fruit to at least appease my growling stomach. I would only eat a "proper meal" if it is really called for, like a missed lunch or breakfast.

I would say goodbye to sugar-laden "snacks"; donuts, candies, and pies will surely be missed
I have said this before and I will say it again: I'll chew my food well.


Small efforts would reap big benefits in the future. I'll start tomorow. Promise

No Pain, No gain

Ma L na nathan: You have phailed!

Nagiisip na nathan:Im not expecting success at first try, but I have thought of myself that I can take it all in without the pain. Gawd, I exagerrated!

Ma L na nathan: You don't have to blame yourself, it happens to all of us, most especially at first try! Pride engulfed your sensibilities, and besides, you are sooo scared to do it. I have heard your heart "thump thump" all the way here.

Nagiisip na nathan: Behind closed doors, I was a bit relaxed. Every major muscle on my body responded and soothed itself.

Ma L na nathan: But I can still hear that "tugudug tugudug" of your heart form here. still. relax, you can do, you always have. What are you afraid of anyways?

Nagiisip na nathan: The physical pain, remember? This thing I am doing now will forever be associated with some pain and discomfort! This time it's different!! It was a small thing before, not less than half of my brain cell capacity but nonetheless, I considered it "sisiw"! The entire procedure was seamless. Na carrie ko naman ah!

Ma L na nathan: So what are you waiting for then?!

Nagiisip na nathan: Guess I need more time. And promise me you'll give me credit once I'm done. This is something which I have not tried before...Wait a minute, I have done it all before! Remember the incident when my parents left for bicol aeons ago? It was then when I have tried "something" after watching japanese porn to "soothe" myself and with just ky and water as a lube, it went all the way in almost instantly(without it being left there, of course).

Ma L na nathan: Yeah yeah! But for this time, I have been hearing nothing but "umps," "argh," and "oh shit" from you. What is wrong with you pervert?!

Nagiisip na nathan: I don't want to try it again. And you can call me a failure, only for this day! I didn't expect this thing to be hard no matter how "sensual" the vibration sounds. I have paid for it and I will conquer this thing soon enough. Mr Vibrating dildo from Pride Exchange, I have a message for you:

YOU ARE SUCH A PAIN!


PS: actually meron din akong pocket puke pero medyo may part na umiiinit sa mushroom ko kapag ginagamit ko sya. at di maxiadong pleasurable tulad ng fleshlight(wala pa ako nun pero minsan oorder ako online, mahal kasi maxiado!!)Haaay, ito ang mga pinaggagawa ko sa katuyotan! It has almost 7 years since my last experience!! Shet!!

Where do we go from here?

I would love to go back to school once again and take up...erm...this part I do not know.

I have a passion for anime stuffs, music and anime desu(whatever that means), well anything related to the industry I think I am capable of doing my best in. How about my passion for designing, well first, I dopn't have a fashion sense, I don't have an eye for flair and beauty, besides I was never really into fashion, it could have been a hobby at first but when I come to really sit down and think of it, my heart doesn't sing the idea of a fashio guru.. Im a simple minded guy without a fashion sense who wants to have a stable career? This is the part which I so hate the most--the start.

Where do I begin? Hmmmm, as i have mentioned I liike anime stuff. So why not take up animation instead? But is it really a requirement in our country to have an least four year diplomo course to build an outstanding career? Well, I have to think of out-of-the-box on this one. If you ask me what I really like. There are only three possible options, one of which is the obvious, animation, the other one would be pornography, and the third, daydreaming. Realistically, these are my "passion." Of course, I can't be a pornographer since my family, who is very religious and idealistic, would disown me and besides, there isn't any porn company here in the Philippines, is there? And the fact that daydreaming would'nt(or wouldn't, anu ba tama?!) do me good in real life is out of the league.

Anime then, I have to prove to myself that a four year course won't bring you happiness and stability. It's really up to me on how I mold my life the way I want it to be.

Im not a "people person." A home study course would do me good since my mind is at it's peak when it's alone. But a university would expose me to a "stable boyfriendship!"(hehe) Argh, this post is career-oriented, so focus yourself on finding a rewarding career!!

After LOL'ing to the thought of going to a university to find a boyfriend, my mind is straight again.

So there, home study is my primary concern(yeah right!) and then anime. I have laid my path for me to walk on slowly, then find a boyfriend(guess I can't keep this off my mind).

Profile check

by now, i know what i really want.

ive met several people whom i easily got along with. i mean we really had good times and good lovin. but sometimes, along the way, you discover that you want different things in life, and those defeat the purpose of you being together. and, at some point in your relationship, even compromising is never an option.

i am 23 and living alone for 12 years. i should say ive gone through 'life' and now im hitting the plateau of my existence. perhaps, with my struggle, ive obtained almost what ive wanted, and in all the relationships that ive gone through, i really thought that it was my last. i also realized, that love is not a 'stand alone' feature. yes, it is easy to give love, make love, and be loved, but it is really difficult to have a 'relationship'. relationships involve not only love, but loyalty, trustworthiness, passion, and by always being there.

so, here i am, wishful looking, for a person who would stay with me, and be with me always. someone who i look forward of going home to everynight after work, whom i can give lots of good night kiss, and someone who really deserve my love.

i always thought of us, walking our dogs in the park while eating ice cream, sitting in the shore watching the stars and planning the years of our lives. it is really nice to have someone who gets angry if you dont text, or someone who is looking for you if youre not yet home.

i know you are just right there, maybe you are waiting for me too. dont you ever get tired of waiting? let's do this now, and be happy.

and lets get married.


--whenitrains, a g4m guy.

I found his profile on g4m last night and I have mentioned that I found his "about me" appealing and true. I just felt that I have said the same statement years ago. Not exactly like his, but the sentiments are the same. It's just feels that the message on his profile is something that I would like to accomplish soon.

Of course I have asked for a permission first before posting this thing on here.
There are still good guys on g4m, it's just a matter of digging them up. hehe

Look at you

When I say what's on my mind about what I do, I do not need your harsh judgement. Not because I have said that I think I can deepthroat better because of constant use of a tongue scraper, it doesn't necessarily have to be said to the general public. You see, I am your friend. And you have to be thankful for that. I am trying to understand you for the mutual benefit. Please, do not look at me like a whore.

I am sexual person, just like you. I like pornography as much as you do. And remember, I borrowed money from you just to buy a prostate massager from a sex store in malate(not the Top and Bottom, the other one). I think you just don't want to admit that your as perverted as I am. We all are, but Im guilt-free to admit that I am.

But I completely understand where you are coming from, after all,we have the same feather.

I can't help this good feeling. tada!!

Stuck in a moment.

Di mo ako mapapaupo sa starbucks na mag-isa lang na tipong may iniiintay. Di ako pala tingin sa tao. Kaya di ko mabasa ang mga mata nila. Defensive mode lang naman ata ang kamanhiran ko eh. Ayaw ko lang naman kasing mahalata. Pero kapag ako na ang nagiinitiate ng conversation, kaya ko naman palang magpatuloy tuloy ng walang dull moment(or so I thought) Ang saya magrisk minsan, you will discover things which you think you are not capable of doing. Instead you have surpassed your own limits.

See, things are starting change for the better good. For my own good

Talking to strangers is an awkward feeling, ayaw ko pa naman ng awkwardness, pero isa syang force na di maiiwasan kapag meet-ups ang pinaguusapan. Rejection din, di mo maaalis sa paghahanap ng relationship. I am trying to change my old mataray personality and dress up a new one-friendly. Tutal, life has 525,600 minutes. So ang daming opportunity ang di dapat palagpasin. Isa na dun ang meeting new friends. I usually meet up with a stranger wherein I won't have to invent a canned statement(which I have done in the past which results in failure). Overall my so-called "journey" is starting to reap it's benefits. Being comfortable in your own skin has it's perks din no! You don't have to act or think your someone else because you fell that yourself would suffice. It doesn't matter anyways.

Next time, I'll go to a bar alone. That is one of my fears which I have to conquer too.

(Bayaan mo ang ang taglish post ko. Feeling sosy lang!)

Amoy sarap

Kapag gusto mo talaga ang isang tao gusto mong mapabilang sa grupo ng friends nila no? Naiinggit ka din kasi buti pa yung mga friends ng crush mo ay malapit sa kanya, samantalang ikaw di nageexist sa mundong ginagalawan nyan. Sige, sambahin mo pa ang crush mo, pati gamit na underwear nya tingin mo Lacoste na pabango. Pati singit siguro amoy baby. at ang damit nyang hinubad parang gusto mo pang suutin. Illusion lang naman ang lahat.Ginawa ko kasing santo kaya ayun, sinamba ko na.

Gusto ko pa nga yung walang ligo ligo para swabe ang amoy, parang bagoong, mas matagal binuro, mas sumasarap. hehe. Paliguan mo na lang ng laway mo. Pati kilikili basain mo. Mas masarap kainin ang basa sa pawis na singit. mas may extract ng totoong amoy. Pero mas fresh ang magiging amoy nya paggising sa umaga. Kaya kakainin kita pagkagising mo na.

My newest purchase

Nakabilii din ako ng laptop, HIghschool pangarap ko pa to. Nagcacanvass pa nga ako ng mga models ng compaq nun dahil ang gaganda ng itsura nila. Naalala ko pa yung price ng type kong notebook. 84k. May mga kamahalan pa ang mga laptop nuon. at dahil highschool lang ako ay lalong namagnify ang hirap sa pagbili. Ang tagal na nuon no? Akalain mo, mga sampung taon bago natupad ang iniilusyon kong gamet. Ang sarap ng pakiramdamn dahil ito lang ang tanging posesyon ko ng talagang pinaghirapan kong tuparin, goodluck na nga lang sa pagbayad nya monthly hehe. Pero carrie lang. Fitness first nga nakayanan ko naman sa gastos kong to sa loob ng 6 na bwan. Madali na lang siguro to dahil ito lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit napapagastos ako araw araw eh-pumupunta sa shop para sa sa online games at internet use. Nakakgastos di ako ng mahigit 200php sa bawat punta ko dun. Kasama na dun ang mga burger na binili sa burger king,C2 sa 711, at mga qwek qwek sa kanto. Hehe

Sa sobrang excitement, di na ako nakapaginstall ng mga software nya nung nakuha ko sya, Pirated na nga lang sanang windows ang gagamitin ko eh, pero gusto ko lahat sana authenthic kahit man lang sa OS. wala pa tong antivirus nung nakuha ko to; nagpainstall na lang ako sa katabing shop ng antivirus, di ko namanlayan free avg pala nilagay nila, pero 400php din ang singil sa akin ah! Adik ako sa antivirus, ang sarap i "heal" ng virus! Spyware na lang ang kulang ang kumpleto para safe ang pagpunta sa mga p0rnsites. Nalaman ko tuloy na ang gayforit.com ay di free! hehe

Limewire. Wala akong mp3 player, pero ang daming pedeng madownload dito. Tadtad nga lang daw ng mga virus ang mga files nito kaya dapat mega scan bago I-save ang mga files. Di pa ready si limewire dahil sa mabagal kong internet connection speed "kertesy" of smartbro prepaid. Java software na lang daw ang kulang at ready na sya for use. At akala ko naman mabilis ang wifiservice ng mga robinsons mall. aysus, ilang paligo lang ang pagitan nila ni dial-up! Di ko tuloy naipatch ang latest granado espada, Amf

Syempre, di puro kalokohan ang paggagamitan ko sa notebook tulad ng inaakala ng iba*big grin*
Sabi ko nga diba, magaaral ako online para mamaximize ko yung ung panahong bum ako.
At two weeks na lang at papasok na ako. Nakakamiss ang walang work, sobra. Pero mas gagaganahan akong pumasok dahil alam kong babayaran akong malaki buwanan.

So far, so good ang pakiramdan ng bagong acquisition. TIngnan mo, sa sobrang saya ko sa notebook ko, ang dami kong naiusulat!

Mas marami na akong magagawa online ngayun.

Putchang bitches

Right now, I am in-between a group of loudmouths and pasowsi type gals and bitches, who talks about Starbucks like a local telenovela. You can hear them talk bout their not-for-public-viewing life 3 million miles from here.

Now they are staring at me. They cannot see what I write about here...then I hear a murmur, bet the whisper is bout my angst-ridden face. They take pictures of their "barkada" as If I don't exist in the middle. I came here first so they should move out.

I am at ff someplace. Trying to lounge on the members area. They are too.. But they are like screaming aged, gay beauty queens placed on conspicuous areas! They are just here for the gossip-which friend dates whom, what's the latest scoop 'bout their friends late night dates...We don't go to the gym and inhabit it like a gaybar, do we?(wag ng umangal!) And we don't scream somebody else's name just to turn heads!

I never liked noise, especially when I am in a middle of a crisis. Loan crisis(hehe)
Peace of mind is that I came here for and not for the "uuuyy kinikilig!" or "ate julie!" nonsense statements. When group of friends collide, they either become "funny and noisy"(which is tolerable and OK or major Lolit Solises(who talks about their nanny's stuff)

Seven. I have counted them.

A bitchy gay guy starts packing up and starts to leave, Im hoping for him not to return. Gladly, he did not.

Of course, I have to act as if nothing is happening around me. In my deepest recess of my insane mind, I have already killed them.

Isang text.

Ayun kay Bob Ong:

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pagiisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban para makasama ka."

Crossroads

"Parang ayaw ko ng magbf. nawala na ung idelism q pagdating sa gayhapitogether4ever na tema. Parang i want to live with wife and kids. parang I cnt see m'self growing up with a man. Parang wala na aqng pake sa mga gay relationship. What went wrong?"


--txt ko sa mga nasa contacts list ko.

.........................................

All I'm saying is that I am caught between religious dogma and modern beliefs about homosexuality. I'm not taking sides yet.

And I need no Judgement.

That's it, I won't be explicit since I might sound "taking sides". This is my crossroad which I have to carefully examine.