Katangahan galore

This story of mine started out four years ago, everytime I go malling, a bookstore is a place wherein I usually visit. I get through skim thru glossy magazines to indimidate myself if I can be the person in the picture in the not so near future. I tend to challenge my ego...sometimes I dream of having a gala affair with the Prietos. Tessa, should be there, i thought, for I will sport how creative i am too. Feathers and balloon fusion "terno" would make her gaga over my creation. When reality sinks in and I am as jologs as the term JOLOGS, I would put the magazine down--my dreaming haze has reached it's finality. I wake up from daydreaming then left the magazine station.

On the corner of my eye while checking out the fashion books I would love to spend my Jollibee money on, something caught my attention. It was book, a book with two faces split diagonally the combined as one, Face Forward was it's title. Kevyn Aucoin, the late, great make up artist of the stars, was it's author. I picked the hardbound copy of it, it feels so heavy, then upon opening, I found him!

His name was Alex Peruzzi, you can see him on page 143 on face Forward. A former lover of Kevyn, now a "confidant and one of my best friends" says the author. This manhattanite was transformed by his ex from a georgous guy to a quintessential supermodel, which I so admire--Linda Evangelista-through make-up. Wait, I became "depressed" because "i fell in love with him so much." Don't fret yet, that was eight years ago!

There are times I would constantly think of him as my "soulmate" for whatever reason--love(very cheesy), creating love stories beetween me and him was my way of wasting time."ilove you baby! Iove you tooo, tsup tssssup--that type(goosebumps!)My friends tell me it's pathetic. It's true, but for me daydreaming bout alex was my lifeblood. It's the only time I can share my emotions to the universe(hello!anybody there?!) It's futile, useless. melodratically stupid but nonetheless a worthwhile, beautiful was to wast time.

And lately I've been thinking about my present sanity. Imagine: me going loco for someone who haven't seen me yet(probably never) Someone from New York(the farthest place I've been to on a "gala" was in Tagaytay) and someone who doesn't know I exist a trace. Hopeless romantic or fool, am I? nah! maybe both!

Everytime the sone "betty davis eyes" play on the radio, my mind conjures up images that speaks fo WInter. Winter in new york. And of course Alex holding hands withhis "proper" soumate, notme. What can i do to tell him i like him very much?! AHA! The Internet. After googling him for several hours, I can't find him, not a trace whatsoever! I thought, I don't have a hope, do I?

Jealousness washed over me, What if h'es married to another guy, having the time of their lives and settling down with kids as a family? I could answer that question. I can only give a Maybe.

Hope is still there--you can never lose it. It will never lose it'seternal shine. But as for me, it might be a good idea to fly to newyork, not for greener pastures, but to Find Alex. It would take years before I can accomplish that, and by then, he would have been too old for my liking.

Well, right now, it might just be a dream and a nightmare altogether

*gosh, i have written this piece 8 years ago. I was 16 years old back then. Grabe, ang tagal na no? May ibang part na kinilabutan ako sa kakornihan eh At isinulat ko pa yan sa notebook ko at sa likod ng mga isinulat ko may mga nakalistang ng mga bagay na gusto kong gawin bago ako magsettle down, ala bucket list hehe at sa notebook ding yun, ay nakasulat ang lahat ng mga callcenter offices sa makati at ortigas sa gusto kong aplayan. At si Alex ang dahilan kung bakit simula ng magcolcenter ako, Alexis na ang name ko sa phone(after haruka, Michiro hihih!).At(there's more) nakasulat din sa notebook na yun ang mga crush ko na dinaan ko sa F.l.a.m.e.s H.o.p.e. Let me count the ways, hmm. arnel caporal/carporal(na isang twink sa jollibee sm dati, na wala na akong balita kung nasan na sya ngayun) si Leonardo Cuaderno, na kamukha ni Tom Cruise, at dancer sa highschool namen at sinamba samba ko at sinundan ko hanggang bahay, si Richard Chan, ang taong sinundan ko talaga hanggang moonwalk para alamin din ang bahay nila, na naging dahilan ng paguwi ko "while crying in the rain." Ang sarap balikan ng mga katangahan mo dati, ang daming nagbago na kasi.At tinagao ko na nga pala yung post ko tungkol kay troy kasi pinabasa ko yun sa kanya eh, tapos nagsorry din ako after ilang verbal clashes thru text. ok na kame. ata. at binura ko din yun to give my respect to him. it's not troy's fault in da perst plays. yun lang

Updates lang.

I have promised myself that I won't be eating too much of unhealthy stuff since I don't want to turn into a putik- looking balyena. Guess what?! Two cups of instant noodles, three bars of ChocoMucho, tons of sugar from my coffee and no exercise(or sex!).



I really need to pour my heart and soul into this agenda otherwise I'll soon eat up my own words(sounds yummy!)
The good news is that I have purchased a tea from Cw lifestyle cafe which makes me feel im always on the top of my game. Work doesn't weigh me down as much as it does since I began sipping "green tea matcha powder."



I'm at work; it's 1:56am. My shift will end at 5am. I am not tired, yet I feel so full.



But I ate three apples before I came here(na sa sobrang kapataygutoman, di na hinugasan--pinunasan na lang ng paper towel. hehe). Panu naman kasi, I need to lose my belly fat cos it poses a threat to my overall health(im more concerned on reversing hypertension and preventing diabetis is on my list too)

.

Oh before I lose this good-feeling: walter and I are friends again after two years of not talking, it inspired me to be fitter since he looks sexy. Besides I have given my friend enough time to reconsider my position sa barkada(two years!!)


He said that I've missed the '06 rollercoaster ride part of his life. If I compare my "ride" in '06 with his, mine would be neglible. Here is his txt: "06 was my year. I had My 1st real bf dat lasted almost 2 years. I strtd going to the gym. And to sum places. Masaya ang '06 ko ati".

I still have six months to prove to myself that things happen if you act upon your desires. It would be perfect to look back on the things I will soon accomplish on this blog.


Watch out.

Goodbye fats!

No more diet

Time for a lifestyle change. I have become fat the past few months and it weighs down my confidence since I can no longer wear tight-fitted shirt which makes me feel and look "cool."
First, it's not going to be a fad that will soon fade in time, this will be a lifetime pledge to become healthy. Health is wealth as they say, I should take care of it since Im on the pinnacle of good health, besides, I have to do something to counter hypertension or the pending "jabetis, which is both we have a history of.

The changes that I will be doing are as follows:

Limit my intake of fatty and fried foods to at least once a month. So it means, goodbye Jollibee or Mcdo or the kwek kwek across the street or the isawan infront of Southmall everytime I go out to "make gala."

Everytime I feel the hunger, I would drink at least two bottles of water first or eat a fruit to at least appease my growling stomach. I would only eat a "proper meal" if it is really called for, like a missed lunch or breakfast.

I would say goodbye to sugar-laden "snacks"; donuts, candies, and pies will surely be missed
I have said this before and I will say it again: I'll chew my food well.


Small efforts would reap big benefits in the future. I'll start tomorow. Promise

No Pain, No gain

Ma L na nathan: You have phailed!

Nagiisip na nathan:Im not expecting success at first try, but I have thought of myself that I can take it all in without the pain. Gawd, I exagerrated!

Ma L na nathan: You don't have to blame yourself, it happens to all of us, most especially at first try! Pride engulfed your sensibilities, and besides, you are sooo scared to do it. I have heard your heart "thump thump" all the way here.

Nagiisip na nathan: Behind closed doors, I was a bit relaxed. Every major muscle on my body responded and soothed itself.

Ma L na nathan: But I can still hear that "tugudug tugudug" of your heart form here. still. relax, you can do, you always have. What are you afraid of anyways?

Nagiisip na nathan: The physical pain, remember? This thing I am doing now will forever be associated with some pain and discomfort! This time it's different!! It was a small thing before, not less than half of my brain cell capacity but nonetheless, I considered it "sisiw"! The entire procedure was seamless. Na carrie ko naman ah!

Ma L na nathan: So what are you waiting for then?!

Nagiisip na nathan: Guess I need more time. And promise me you'll give me credit once I'm done. This is something which I have not tried before...Wait a minute, I have done it all before! Remember the incident when my parents left for bicol aeons ago? It was then when I have tried "something" after watching japanese porn to "soothe" myself and with just ky and water as a lube, it went all the way in almost instantly(without it being left there, of course).

Ma L na nathan: Yeah yeah! But for this time, I have been hearing nothing but "umps," "argh," and "oh shit" from you. What is wrong with you pervert?!

Nagiisip na nathan: I don't want to try it again. And you can call me a failure, only for this day! I didn't expect this thing to be hard no matter how "sensual" the vibration sounds. I have paid for it and I will conquer this thing soon enough. Mr Vibrating dildo from Pride Exchange, I have a message for you:

YOU ARE SUCH A PAIN!


PS: actually meron din akong pocket puke pero medyo may part na umiiinit sa mushroom ko kapag ginagamit ko sya. at di maxiadong pleasurable tulad ng fleshlight(wala pa ako nun pero minsan oorder ako online, mahal kasi maxiado!!)Haaay, ito ang mga pinaggagawa ko sa katuyotan! It has almost 7 years since my last experience!! Shet!!

Where do we go from here?

I would love to go back to school once again and take up...erm...this part I do not know.

I have a passion for anime stuffs, music and anime desu(whatever that means), well anything related to the industry I think I am capable of doing my best in. How about my passion for designing, well first, I dopn't have a fashion sense, I don't have an eye for flair and beauty, besides I was never really into fashion, it could have been a hobby at first but when I come to really sit down and think of it, my heart doesn't sing the idea of a fashio guru.. Im a simple minded guy without a fashion sense who wants to have a stable career? This is the part which I so hate the most--the start.

Where do I begin? Hmmmm, as i have mentioned I liike anime stuff. So why not take up animation instead? But is it really a requirement in our country to have an least four year diplomo course to build an outstanding career? Well, I have to think of out-of-the-box on this one. If you ask me what I really like. There are only three possible options, one of which is the obvious, animation, the other one would be pornography, and the third, daydreaming. Realistically, these are my "passion." Of course, I can't be a pornographer since my family, who is very religious and idealistic, would disown me and besides, there isn't any porn company here in the Philippines, is there? And the fact that daydreaming would'nt(or wouldn't, anu ba tama?!) do me good in real life is out of the league.

Anime then, I have to prove to myself that a four year course won't bring you happiness and stability. It's really up to me on how I mold my life the way I want it to be.

Im not a "people person." A home study course would do me good since my mind is at it's peak when it's alone. But a university would expose me to a "stable boyfriendship!"(hehe) Argh, this post is career-oriented, so focus yourself on finding a rewarding career!!

After LOL'ing to the thought of going to a university to find a boyfriend, my mind is straight again.

So there, home study is my primary concern(yeah right!) and then anime. I have laid my path for me to walk on slowly, then find a boyfriend(guess I can't keep this off my mind).

Profile check

by now, i know what i really want.

ive met several people whom i easily got along with. i mean we really had good times and good lovin. but sometimes, along the way, you discover that you want different things in life, and those defeat the purpose of you being together. and, at some point in your relationship, even compromising is never an option.

i am 23 and living alone for 12 years. i should say ive gone through 'life' and now im hitting the plateau of my existence. perhaps, with my struggle, ive obtained almost what ive wanted, and in all the relationships that ive gone through, i really thought that it was my last. i also realized, that love is not a 'stand alone' feature. yes, it is easy to give love, make love, and be loved, but it is really difficult to have a 'relationship'. relationships involve not only love, but loyalty, trustworthiness, passion, and by always being there.

so, here i am, wishful looking, for a person who would stay with me, and be with me always. someone who i look forward of going home to everynight after work, whom i can give lots of good night kiss, and someone who really deserve my love.

i always thought of us, walking our dogs in the park while eating ice cream, sitting in the shore watching the stars and planning the years of our lives. it is really nice to have someone who gets angry if you dont text, or someone who is looking for you if youre not yet home.

i know you are just right there, maybe you are waiting for me too. dont you ever get tired of waiting? let's do this now, and be happy.

and lets get married.


--whenitrains, a g4m guy.

I found his profile on g4m last night and I have mentioned that I found his "about me" appealing and true. I just felt that I have said the same statement years ago. Not exactly like his, but the sentiments are the same. It's just feels that the message on his profile is something that I would like to accomplish soon.

Of course I have asked for a permission first before posting this thing on here.
There are still good guys on g4m, it's just a matter of digging them up. hehe

Look at you

When I say what's on my mind about what I do, I do not need your harsh judgement. Not because I have said that I think I can deepthroat better because of constant use of a tongue scraper, it doesn't necessarily have to be said to the general public. You see, I am your friend. And you have to be thankful for that. I am trying to understand you for the mutual benefit. Please, do not look at me like a whore.

I am sexual person, just like you. I like pornography as much as you do. And remember, I borrowed money from you just to buy a prostate massager from a sex store in malate(not the Top and Bottom, the other one). I think you just don't want to admit that your as perverted as I am. We all are, but Im guilt-free to admit that I am.

But I completely understand where you are coming from, after all,we have the same feather.

I can't help this good feeling. tada!!

Stuck in a moment.

Di mo ako mapapaupo sa starbucks na mag-isa lang na tipong may iniiintay. Di ako pala tingin sa tao. Kaya di ko mabasa ang mga mata nila. Defensive mode lang naman ata ang kamanhiran ko eh. Ayaw ko lang naman kasing mahalata. Pero kapag ako na ang nagiinitiate ng conversation, kaya ko naman palang magpatuloy tuloy ng walang dull moment(or so I thought) Ang saya magrisk minsan, you will discover things which you think you are not capable of doing. Instead you have surpassed your own limits.

See, things are starting change for the better good. For my own good

Talking to strangers is an awkward feeling, ayaw ko pa naman ng awkwardness, pero isa syang force na di maiiwasan kapag meet-ups ang pinaguusapan. Rejection din, di mo maaalis sa paghahanap ng relationship. I am trying to change my old mataray personality and dress up a new one-friendly. Tutal, life has 525,600 minutes. So ang daming opportunity ang di dapat palagpasin. Isa na dun ang meeting new friends. I usually meet up with a stranger wherein I won't have to invent a canned statement(which I have done in the past which results in failure). Overall my so-called "journey" is starting to reap it's benefits. Being comfortable in your own skin has it's perks din no! You don't have to act or think your someone else because you fell that yourself would suffice. It doesn't matter anyways.

Next time, I'll go to a bar alone. That is one of my fears which I have to conquer too.

(Bayaan mo ang ang taglish post ko. Feeling sosy lang!)

Amoy sarap

Kapag gusto mo talaga ang isang tao gusto mong mapabilang sa grupo ng friends nila no? Naiinggit ka din kasi buti pa yung mga friends ng crush mo ay malapit sa kanya, samantalang ikaw di nageexist sa mundong ginagalawan nyan. Sige, sambahin mo pa ang crush mo, pati gamit na underwear nya tingin mo Lacoste na pabango. Pati singit siguro amoy baby. at ang damit nyang hinubad parang gusto mo pang suutin. Illusion lang naman ang lahat.Ginawa ko kasing santo kaya ayun, sinamba ko na.

Gusto ko pa nga yung walang ligo ligo para swabe ang amoy, parang bagoong, mas matagal binuro, mas sumasarap. hehe. Paliguan mo na lang ng laway mo. Pati kilikili basain mo. Mas masarap kainin ang basa sa pawis na singit. mas may extract ng totoong amoy. Pero mas fresh ang magiging amoy nya paggising sa umaga. Kaya kakainin kita pagkagising mo na.