Gusto ko ng pumayat ng madalian within 1 month. Swimming muna tapos gym tapos fruits tapos oats tapos isusuka!! yay!
Malakas akong kumain. Voracious ang appetite ko. pagdating sa sweets, di ko rin mapigilan sarili ko. Kailangan kong ingatan ang health ko kasi sabi ng doktor ko pede daw akong maging "jabetic" within 10 years. Ang hirap naman kasi magpigil sa pagkain. Gusto ko ngang batukan ung isang opismate ko eh, kakain ng steamed tilapia na walang kanin tapos pag tapos na sasabihin "ok na sa akin yun, busog na ako." AS IF!
Ayaw kong maging tulad nila, kakain ng kaunti o kaya ng "crakers" sa opis tapos sa gabi magtotwopiece chicken sa jollibee with an extra rice. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanila na kaya kung gawin ang sinasabi ko kasi nagfofocus ako. At di mapupunta sa wala ang pinaghirapan ko. Dapat ko na ring masuot ang mga medium sizes na damit ko para maging "hunky." Sa mga nakaraang araw parang masaya ako eh. Sana magtagal yung mood. Gagawing kong parang chewing gum ang fruits para ma suppress ang hunger ko. Tapos oats with raisins ang bananas ang breakfast. Lunch, dapat---magpakavegetarian na lang ulet ako no?! Tutal maganda naman ang naging resulta ng vegetables sa katawan ko eh.
Excited na ako. nakalista na ang lahat ng bibilhin sa palengke ng alabang. Goodbye fat.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
Season of Love: Cheating
why do people cheat on a highly-coveted, so-called "relationship"?
What's up with that?
Is it the hunger for sex?! Is it a mega-super duper ego booster?! How bout trying to maximize your goodlooks to your advantage?
My friend, whom I personally call a "Magdalena," just broke the heart of his longtime boyfriend in search for a more earthly desire that his relationship already provides.
I hate it. I really do. I just thought he might have been saturated by the love he had been longing for. Now to experience and destroy it completely shatters as to what love describes. Maybe there should be a name for "love" entitled to cheaters.
Now what? After a 4-minute quickie, you'll be left as a sex toy. One way or the other, you'll yearn for a relationship again, but since the universe knows that you'll eventually cheat when you get the hang of it, It'll give you a person that would grant your eternal wish: to be cheated in return.
To all those people who love unconditionally and maintain a simple relationship: you make me smile.
To those who know that cheating is bad but do it nonetheless: tangina nyo.
What's up with that?
Is it the hunger for sex?! Is it a mega-super duper ego booster?! How bout trying to maximize your goodlooks to your advantage?
My friend, whom I personally call a "Magdalena," just broke the heart of his longtime boyfriend in search for a more earthly desire that his relationship already provides.
I hate it. I really do. I just thought he might have been saturated by the love he had been longing for. Now to experience and destroy it completely shatters as to what love describes. Maybe there should be a name for "love" entitled to cheaters.
Now what? After a 4-minute quickie, you'll be left as a sex toy. One way or the other, you'll yearn for a relationship again, but since the universe knows that you'll eventually cheat when you get the hang of it, It'll give you a person that would grant your eternal wish: to be cheated in return.
To all those people who love unconditionally and maintain a simple relationship: you make me smile.
To those who know that cheating is bad but do it nonetheless: tangina nyo.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Freedom 90
Naiinis ako sa mga taong nagpopost ng mga pic ng mga taong di nila kilala sa mga website at gawan ng joke kung ano ang itsura at pinaggagawa nila! Dahil di naman ako biktima, bakit ako apektado?
Kasi naman, sino ba ang gustong pagtawanana sila sa harap ng mga taong di naman nila kilala?! Sino ba ang gustong laitin, kahit ang taong nilalampaso mo ay di akma sa iyong panlasa?!Hindi porket pagdating sa itsura ikaw ang pipiliin ng madla, may karapatan ka ng mukhang gawing kakatwa ang itsura ng iba. Respeto kumbaga.
At alam ko din na kalayaan sa pagsalita ang ginagawa mo. Pero isaalang alang mo na lang
ang damdamin ng iba. Malay mo maging kaibigan mo sila o kaya naman naging isang malapit na kapitbahay. Papaano na lang kung makita ng mga kaibigan at kaanak ng taong nilalait mo ang picture nya. Anung saloobin kaya ang madarama nila?
Kaya minsan, hayaan mo na. Gusto lang nilang mapuna. Gusto lang nilang ipakita kung ano sila. Gusto nilang may magmahal sa kanila. Pansinin mo rin sana na sa mga ng iba mahalaga sila.
Kasi naman, sino ba ang gustong pagtawanana sila sa harap ng mga taong di naman nila kilala?! Sino ba ang gustong laitin, kahit ang taong nilalampaso mo ay di akma sa iyong panlasa?!Hindi porket pagdating sa itsura ikaw ang pipiliin ng madla, may karapatan ka ng mukhang gawing kakatwa ang itsura ng iba. Respeto kumbaga.
At alam ko din na kalayaan sa pagsalita ang ginagawa mo. Pero isaalang alang mo na lang
ang damdamin ng iba. Malay mo maging kaibigan mo sila o kaya naman naging isang malapit na kapitbahay. Papaano na lang kung makita ng mga kaibigan at kaanak ng taong nilalait mo ang picture nya. Anung saloobin kaya ang madarama nila?
Kaya minsan, hayaan mo na. Gusto lang nilang mapuna. Gusto lang nilang ipakita kung ano sila. Gusto nilang may magmahal sa kanila. Pansinin mo rin sana na sa mga ng iba mahalaga sila.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
tagged na naman!
Here are the rules:
*ahem ahem
(Thank you nga pala kay darknight for the tag. Mas maganda sumagot nito kasi nakatemplate na eh,wahehe)
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick 7 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you’ve tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.4. And don’t forget to give them the rules.
Seven truths about me that you might not have known yet:
1. I don't eat kinchay, once it enters my mouth, I get depressed.
2. I was never hopeful
3. I don't read other peoples' blog because the content of their writing is something that I am envious about.
4. I don't like being stared at.
5. I eat fast. I have My own world when I walk. I sometimes cry myself to sleep after masturbatng and after eating my cum(combo ito)
6. People tell me that I have an eccentric personality7. I am brutally frank, I say what is on my mind without offending anyone.
7x7 (which by the way is much harder):
1. I have never had a boyfriend...
2. Because I cannot really tell if the guy is interested or not(again, never hopeful).
3. I once said the most painful things to a bestfriend which eventually lead to us becoming strangers.
4. I had the confidence of Michiro, Sailor Neptune-before
5. I am torpe to the 10th power
6. I was advised by a friend to seek psychological help for my extreme mood swings
7. I have a poor eyesight, I squint my eyes to get a clear picture
Of course, I need to pass this opportunity to some of my blogfriends(if not for the eyes of the gym-goers staring at me like this-guy-has-been-on-the-internet-for-the-past-hour, I would stay here till closing!) I am currently at fitness first southmall doing this blog. I want to tag: southdude: makoy, jinjuruks, mugen, drew, and planetclose. I do not know how to do the link. Find these people manually!
*ahem ahem
(Thank you nga pala kay darknight for the tag. Mas maganda sumagot nito kasi nakatemplate na eh,wahehe)
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick 7 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you’ve tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.4. And don’t forget to give them the rules.
Seven truths about me that you might not have known yet:
1. I don't eat kinchay, once it enters my mouth, I get depressed.
2. I was never hopeful
3. I don't read other peoples' blog because the content of their writing is something that I am envious about.
4. I don't like being stared at.
5. I eat fast. I have My own world when I walk. I sometimes cry myself to sleep after masturbatng and after eating my cum(combo ito)
6. People tell me that I have an eccentric personality7. I am brutally frank, I say what is on my mind without offending anyone.
7x7 (which by the way is much harder):
1. I have never had a boyfriend...
2. Because I cannot really tell if the guy is interested or not(again, never hopeful).
3. I once said the most painful things to a bestfriend which eventually lead to us becoming strangers.
4. I had the confidence of Michiro, Sailor Neptune-before
5. I am torpe to the 10th power
6. I was advised by a friend to seek psychological help for my extreme mood swings
7. I have a poor eyesight, I squint my eyes to get a clear picture
Of course, I need to pass this opportunity to some of my blogfriends(if not for the eyes of the gym-goers staring at me like this-guy-has-been-on-the-internet-for-the-past-hour, I would stay here till closing!) I am currently at fitness first southmall doing this blog. I want to tag: southdude: makoy, jinjuruks, mugen, drew, and planetclose. I do not know how to do the link. Find these people manually!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Angela
I was inspired to write about my "kababata" because of a facial wash TV commercial(Joey ha!?).Nostalgia and reminisce occured to me; what happend to Angela?
Most of us have had childhood friends, whether you'd ended up growing up with him (or her) or concluded as separately grown; they matter to us. Even if I and Angela didn't become best friends in the latter part of our lives, I just hope she thinks about me-in whatever way. However, my sentiments and thanks-to-her might as well be mutual. I hope.
We became friends during our crazy elementary days, on grade one to six. She and I were under the average level of intelligence, both were over the top ten of our class. We do not normally raise our hands on our lecture even if we know the answer, we were just waiting for our teachers to call our names to recite, and we don't even excel even in Filipino!Our sports teacher would frequently persuade us to join them on their games. Angela submitted to sports afterwards and become a school runner, and as for me, I excelled in our English class.
My tita and her auntie(as she calls her) are good neighbors and she frequents her auntie's house for us to meet up. Early in the morning, I clearly remembered how she would knock on our gate to call me: "Nathan, Nathan laro na tayo" That was for me the never ending bliss for it was a time for our four-hour continuous playtime! She would ask "Naligo ka na?" and I would say"syempre no, kanina pang 7 am". It almost became a ritual; asking if I had taken a bath and replying steadily forward. I vividly remembered a scene were she and and her cousin offered me for what they called "mani."
"Kinakain to sa amin, sa Ilocus Sur eh!" her provinciano looking cousin rendered.
Of course, I had to try it. It was one of those palm-like plants that gives a monggo like morsel as a seed and reddends when it starts to ripen. I had to snip off a very small fragment so as to facilitate the removal of it when it doesn't taste good. It tasted very bitter; so bitter your mouth has to secret it its juices to dilute its numbing bitterness. I spat it. Good thing i hadn't stuffed it all in my mouth. On the other hand, Angela and her cousin enjoyed it. Like munching a piece of jellystick-sweet and chewy-there are no withdrawals and they even swallowed it! "kadiri naman to" i told them with a mortified indignation tone of voice. They just looked at each other and staretd giggling.
We would play mataya taya, piko, sipa, volleyball-and her favorite-running which I always win on second place. She became a master of her chosen sport, oftentimes winning on a regional level. Gold and silver decorate their tidy house and irritably flaunts them on her thin neck whenever she wants to-school, wet market-even in our house. She often gets constant attention from people. "Hoy, ang talino" a stanger once told her. Little did the man know that she's a sports fanatic and not academically wise. I once told her "tingga lang naman yan eh" for I am dying of envy. She would bite back statements that shuts me for minutes like: "at least ako may achievement eh ikaw wala pa!". It's true, she has some and I have none. But, we're friends for so long to take offenses so, it's a bit "ok lang."
As for most teenagers' we were so hard-headed-just like you!
There came a time when I was hooked on computer games(supernes,sega genesis...my era). I would go to a computer station to fill-in my vice. I became a thief! Well, I only steal from my mothers purse, nothing bigtime. Coins were my only intentions but It was never enough. I got a php500 straight from my mothers purse. I decided to meet up Angela for it was too much for me to spend alone.
Eating galore!
We were eating barbecues form all chicken parts, from lean meats to innards; marshmallow from all shapes and sizes, junk food, bananacue etc.And when my mother found out her commision is missing, she went straight to a computer shop where Angela and I were munching to a game and Voila!"Nasaan ang pera?" my mother furiously asked while blocking the tv screen. We were scared to death-like facing a angel of death!.. We ran and our neighbor caught us(mga traidor!)just outside the shop. Angela scuffled away while holding a marshmallow pack on her left and a barbecue stick on her right. I was beaten up so bad. Bruises were apparent(leather belt ba naman eh) My vice stopped after my mother's disciplinary action. Our friendship didn't end there.
Were still close as ever on our grade six days as it was before but it was numbered. I learned that change is completley inevitable. After graduation, we started to part ways. She enrolled in a private high school and I decided to go to a public school.
It was quick and senseless. We started to ignore each other everytime we meet. Feels like a road is separating us instead of a wall! No hand gestures, no plastic smiles, no quirky eye movements. Nothing of a from of a discreet hi's and hello's. At first I thought it's just what preteens naturally go through: intimidation to the opposite sex, mood swings; you know, "stages of preteen development". But I was wrong. I had a hard time adapting to it. Just think of it; once your like best buddies and now your completley different strangers
What had gone wrong?
She was having another set of girl friends and I was doing the same-four sissy friends for her and four "masculine" friends for me. Just to be fair!
Our intimacy completely broke on our sophomore years, No more uneasiness when we pass by. Just plain strangers.We learned to cope with it.
Now, it's finally over, she's now bonded with her girlfriends. Clearly we had moved on-whether we liked it or not. And as I listen to the radio playing APO's song..."san na nga ba,san na nga ba, san na nga ba ang barkada ngayun, I just hope she's listening too.
I was inspired to write about my "kababata" because of a facial wash TV commercial(Joey ha!?).Nostalgia and reminisce occured to me; what happend to Angela?
Most of us have had childhood friends, whether you'd ended up growing up with him (or her) or concluded as separately grown; they matter to us. Even if I and Angela didn't become best friends in the latter part of our lives, I just hope she thinks about me-in whatever way. However, my sentiments and thanks-to-her might as well be mutual. I hope.
We became friends during our crazy elementary days, on grade one to six. She and I were under the average level of intelligence, both were over the top ten of our class. We do not normally raise our hands on our lecture even if we know the answer, we were just waiting for our teachers to call our names to recite, and we don't even excel even in Filipino!Our sports teacher would frequently persuade us to join them on their games. Angela submitted to sports afterwards and become a school runner, and as for me, I excelled in our English class.
My tita and her auntie(as she calls her) are good neighbors and she frequents her auntie's house for us to meet up. Early in the morning, I clearly remembered how she would knock on our gate to call me: "Nathan, Nathan laro na tayo" That was for me the never ending bliss for it was a time for our four-hour continuous playtime! She would ask "Naligo ka na?" and I would say"syempre no, kanina pang 7 am". It almost became a ritual; asking if I had taken a bath and replying steadily forward. I vividly remembered a scene were she and and her cousin offered me for what they called "mani."
"Kinakain to sa amin, sa Ilocus Sur eh!" her provinciano looking cousin rendered.
Of course, I had to try it. It was one of those palm-like plants that gives a monggo like morsel as a seed and reddends when it starts to ripen. I had to snip off a very small fragment so as to facilitate the removal of it when it doesn't taste good. It tasted very bitter; so bitter your mouth has to secret it its juices to dilute its numbing bitterness. I spat it. Good thing i hadn't stuffed it all in my mouth. On the other hand, Angela and her cousin enjoyed it. Like munching a piece of jellystick-sweet and chewy-there are no withdrawals and they even swallowed it! "kadiri naman to" i told them with a mortified indignation tone of voice. They just looked at each other and staretd giggling.
We would play mataya taya, piko, sipa, volleyball-and her favorite-running which I always win on second place. She became a master of her chosen sport, oftentimes winning on a regional level. Gold and silver decorate their tidy house and irritably flaunts them on her thin neck whenever she wants to-school, wet market-even in our house. She often gets constant attention from people. "Hoy, ang talino" a stanger once told her. Little did the man know that she's a sports fanatic and not academically wise. I once told her "tingga lang naman yan eh" for I am dying of envy. She would bite back statements that shuts me for minutes like: "at least ako may achievement eh ikaw wala pa!". It's true, she has some and I have none. But, we're friends for so long to take offenses so, it's a bit "ok lang."
As for most teenagers' we were so hard-headed-just like you!
There came a time when I was hooked on computer games(supernes,sega genesis...my era). I would go to a computer station to fill-in my vice. I became a thief! Well, I only steal from my mothers purse, nothing bigtime. Coins were my only intentions but It was never enough. I got a php500 straight from my mothers purse. I decided to meet up Angela for it was too much for me to spend alone.
Eating galore!
We were eating barbecues form all chicken parts, from lean meats to innards; marshmallow from all shapes and sizes, junk food, bananacue etc.And when my mother found out her commision is missing, she went straight to a computer shop where Angela and I were munching to a game and Voila!"Nasaan ang pera?" my mother furiously asked while blocking the tv screen. We were scared to death-like facing a angel of death!.. We ran and our neighbor caught us(mga traidor!)just outside the shop. Angela scuffled away while holding a marshmallow pack on her left and a barbecue stick on her right. I was beaten up so bad. Bruises were apparent(leather belt ba naman eh) My vice stopped after my mother's disciplinary action. Our friendship didn't end there.
Were still close as ever on our grade six days as it was before but it was numbered. I learned that change is completley inevitable. After graduation, we started to part ways. She enrolled in a private high school and I decided to go to a public school.
It was quick and senseless. We started to ignore each other everytime we meet. Feels like a road is separating us instead of a wall! No hand gestures, no plastic smiles, no quirky eye movements. Nothing of a from of a discreet hi's and hello's. At first I thought it's just what preteens naturally go through: intimidation to the opposite sex, mood swings; you know, "stages of preteen development". But I was wrong. I had a hard time adapting to it. Just think of it; once your like best buddies and now your completley different strangers
What had gone wrong?
She was having another set of girl friends and I was doing the same-four sissy friends for her and four "masculine" friends for me. Just to be fair!
Our intimacy completely broke on our sophomore years, No more uneasiness when we pass by. Just plain strangers.We learned to cope with it.
Now, it's finally over, she's now bonded with her girlfriends. Clearly we had moved on-whether we liked it or not. And as I listen to the radio playing APO's song..."san na nga ba,san na nga ba, san na nga ba ang barkada ngayun, I just hope she's listening too.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The Randomness of my Thoughts
1.
I felt betrayed, I promised myself that I would be able to find a boyfriend before the "ber" month starts. Yet, here I am trying to change things but I do not now where to start. That is crippling. Things change, but since I do not know where to start, it makes it more complicated...helpless.
I am sorry nathan if I broke my promise.
2.
I lost 7 lbs in 7 days, My body is receptive when it comes to exercise. That must've stopped hypertension dead on its track, which is slowly crawling up my heart.
45-minutes of cardio works wonders(But I've heard sex burns the same thing).
3.
I am currently enrolled at Fitness First Southmall...as if it matters...
4.
I don't feel insecure anymore and I don't feel good 'bout m'self either. Being sorrounded by blogmates who share stuffs bout their lovelife makes the insecurity a lot harder to digest. Maybe the endorphine-inducing effect of exercise hasn't kicked in yet.
5.
I am currently fantasizing about stealing sweat-soaked undies in the locker room. That makes me more pathetic once I'm discovered. What a pity.
6.
December is deadly for a couple-minded single. February is almost fatal.
7.
Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.(gray's anatomy)
8.
I admit it. I'm hopelesspatheticpessimistgodfearing individual.
I felt betrayed, I promised myself that I would be able to find a boyfriend before the "ber" month starts. Yet, here I am trying to change things but I do not now where to start. That is crippling. Things change, but since I do not know where to start, it makes it more complicated...helpless.
I am sorry nathan if I broke my promise.
2.
I lost 7 lbs in 7 days, My body is receptive when it comes to exercise. That must've stopped hypertension dead on its track, which is slowly crawling up my heart.
45-minutes of cardio works wonders(But I've heard sex burns the same thing).
3.
I am currently enrolled at Fitness First Southmall...as if it matters...
4.
I don't feel insecure anymore and I don't feel good 'bout m'self either. Being sorrounded by blogmates who share stuffs bout their lovelife makes the insecurity a lot harder to digest. Maybe the endorphine-inducing effect of exercise hasn't kicked in yet.
5.
I am currently fantasizing about stealing sweat-soaked undies in the locker room. That makes me more pathetic once I'm discovered. What a pity.
6.
December is deadly for a couple-minded single. February is almost fatal.
7.
Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.(gray's anatomy)
8.
I admit it. I'm hopelesspatheticpessimistgodfearing individual.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
October First
I recently signed up at a local gym...somewhere inside SouthMall. And my primary goal is to lose weight and probably reverse the signs of hypertension. I won't mention my current weight.
I haven't really started started rather, later after shift would be my official first day. 'Don't care 'bout the happenings inside the sauna. Im gonna miss my bilbil bigtime. And the plump cheeks that accentuate my roundish face...the pig belly...goodbye lard!
Time to celebrate the soon-to-be-coveted figure. watch out!
I forgot, this is a pig-out day. Not a good start...
I haven't really started started rather, later after shift would be my official first day. 'Don't care 'bout the happenings inside the sauna. Im gonna miss my bilbil bigtime. And the plump cheeks that accentuate my roundish face...the pig belly...goodbye lard!
Time to celebrate the soon-to-be-coveted figure. watch out!
I forgot, this is a pig-out day. Not a good start...
Friday, September 21, 2007
Pleasure and Pain
Like most of you, I want to release my inhibitions. I want to explore the flora and fauna of sex. Yes, you've read it right. Sex
I have so many fetishes, I cannot determine as to what to try first.
I want to purchase Aneros (google it!) that "thing" is made to massage the prostate, doing so creates a feeling of out-of-world orgasm. I want to wear it while I'm on my way to work. I would squeeze my kegels to tense the anal muscles and relax it to rub the product against my prostate,and create the most pleasurable feeling. Panting and writhing in pleasure while trying to suppress my libido on a moving jeepney is a thriller. I would discreetly lick my sweat on my arms while holding the railings to further build the tension...But Aneros costs around 6k. I'll try to use a candle to save money though. Or I'll use a well-lubed finger to do it manually. But still, Aneros is my topmost-priority-fetish...
...and a butt-plug
...and a vib
...and and electrostim machine
soo many to choose from. only one to satisfy me...boyfriend
...and a vib
...and and electrostim machine
Monday, September 10, 2007
A message to Nathan.
You look so dead today! If I know, it has something to do with your crushie being married to a girl right?! But, who would've thought about it; a very fairy gay guy is Married?! That means your out of his business again. Fuck right?! I know how it feels. Courtship is an entry point not the end of the world. Cheer up! I know it feels so good getting up after being beaten black and blue. Tell yourself that it's all ok...
to quote a great line from GA...this is for you:
"Why do we keep hitting ourselves with a hammer on the head?"
because it feels soo good when it stops.."
--meredith grey(grey's anatomy)
Time heals all wounds too...and JAPAN
Just
Always
Pray
At
Night
bullshit!
You look so dead today! If I know, it has something to do with your crushie being married to a girl right?! But, who would've thought about it; a very fairy gay guy is Married?! That means your out of his business again. Fuck right?! I know how it feels. Courtship is an entry point not the end of the world. Cheer up! I know it feels so good getting up after being beaten black and blue. Tell yourself that it's all ok...
to quote a great line from GA...this is for you:
"Why do we keep hitting ourselves with a hammer on the head?"
because it feels soo good when it stops.."
--meredith grey(grey's anatomy)
Time heals all wounds too...and JAPAN
Just
Always
Pray
At
Night
bullshit!
Blogging to a way of life
All my entries should now be written in English. I made a pact with the universe that in order for me to be ok'd by Adsense, I need to write everything that uses our "universal" languange(love ata tinutukoy ko no?!) to generate readership. But the problem is: How do I start?
Friday, September 7, 2007
waaaaaa
nakialam kasi ako ng blog ko eh, yan tuloy messed up na!!
waaaaaaaaaaaa!
panu sya mababago!! helf!!! gusto ko yung dating design. maliit lang ung font...
:(
waaaaaaaaaaaa!
panu sya mababago!! helf!!! gusto ko yung dating design. maliit lang ung font...
:(
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Change
'Lam ko na.
Kasalanan ko rin pala kung bakit wala pa akung boyfriend eh. Manhid ako.
Ito ang parating komento sa aking ng mga officemates ko pagdating sa emosyon ko.Bato. Manhid. Walang puso.
Akala lang nila! Mahiyain lang ako at medyo takot sa mga social gatherings. Sa insecurity ko na naman ang dahilan. Pero ayaw ko ng mainsecure. Promise. Biased sa "kasamaan" at negativity ang mga naisulat ko dito. May mga part din naman sa buhay ko na maganda, di ko lang sila pinapansin dahil...well...ok naman sila. Magde-dwell ako ngayun sa mga magagandang nangyayari for a change...
Magbilang tayo ngayun nga mga voyz...
...sa Ortigas ako nagtatrabaho, sa isang...uhm...ok, SVI Connect. Verizon ang account. Telemarketer kumbaga. May isa akung ka wavemate na malapit sa akin...fast forward. zooooooooooooom
Sinabi nya sa akin na bading daw sya(pake ko ba?!) at di ko sya gusto kasi wala namang spark ang namagitan sa aming dalawa, sinabihan nya ako na gusto daw nyang manirahan kame sa isang apartment dahil daw makakatipid sa pamasahe dahil pareho kaming malayo sa Ortigas, amicable naman ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya, pero nag iba ang defense ko nung sabihan nya ako na gusto daw nyang maka "domestic partnership" ako. Eh ako naman kasi si tanga sabi ko "ayaw ko, di ko gusto ang ideya mo, anu yun parang magasawa?!"
Kinaumagahan. Di na nagpakita. Nagfile ng immediate resignation. Limot ko na ang pangalan nya. O, sige na nga. BATO ako.
After two years of bumhood. Nandito sa Alabang. Inbound agent...
Alam nyo naman siguro na gusto ka ng ka-eye contact mo kapag...well..nag kontakan kayo sa mga mata...
Nasa ibang department sya. Sprint. Hmmmm, siguro mga 5'4 sya...basta gusto ko konti. Kapag nagkikita kame sa office, di maiwasang magkalagkitan ng tingin; di alam kung sino ang magfifirst move. Pareho siguro kameng torpe. Di nya lang alam kung paano ako kinakabahan kapag nakikita ko sya. Pakiramdam ko kasi may mangyayaring mali kapag umaksyon ako. Walang napahiya kasi walang nangyari...perpekto na sanang okasyon nung nasa SM kame, nasa phone booth ako at tumabi sya sa kabilang phone habang nakangiting tumitingin sa akin...lam kung nakatingin kasi sagap sya ng periphery ko, basta ganun. Siguro alam nya rin na napakarelaks ng atmospera dun at bagay sa chitchat. Pero dahil si Nathan nga ang pinaguusapan natin dito, as usual walang nangyari. Di ko na nakita yung taong yun. Nanaman. O sige, tangang manhid na...
Yung third and last ko naman na "experience" sa mga voyz ang nangyari sa alabang din.
Pareho kame ng account...limot ko na rin ang pangalan nya(pagdating talaga sa mga ngalan ng tao, mabilis ko silang makalimutan). Sya ung taong parating niyaya akung kumain kapag nagkikita kame; parating nagyayaya na umuweng magkasabay;Parateng nagha-hi kapag nagkakasalubong kame; gustong-gustong manlibre...Lahat ng sagot ko sa kanya kapag may mga yaya eh: "ayaw ko, may hinihintay akung kaibigan eh kaw na lang," mangungulit ng ilang beses at ngingiti na lang at tatalikod at di ko napansin...umalis na sya. Namiss ko tuloy siya
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Plateau
darkness beyond darkness pitch
deeper than the deeper light
lord of darkness shining like gold upon sea of chaos
I swear my self to thee
Let the fools who stand by me be destroyed
by the power of you and I posses!
-lina inverse
Tangina, 2 mins na lang trabaho na ako. burned-out na ako sa trabaho at nagbabalak mag leave ng at least two weeks. basta out of work, kahit walang magawa, basta walang exhaustion.
Nasa plateau stage ako ng buhay ko, lahat naka hold, stagnant, boring.
....................................
Jos ko ang dami ko pang sinabi!! Di ko lang naman nakita ang crush ko.Ewan!
deeper than the deeper light
lord of darkness shining like gold upon sea of chaos
I swear my self to thee
Let the fools who stand by me be destroyed
by the power of you and I posses!
-lina inverse
Tangina, 2 mins na lang trabaho na ako. burned-out na ako sa trabaho at nagbabalak mag leave ng at least two weeks. basta out of work, kahit walang magawa, basta walang exhaustion.
Nasa plateau stage ako ng buhay ko, lahat naka hold, stagnant, boring.
....................................
Jos ko ang dami ko pang sinabi!! Di ko lang naman nakita ang crush ko.Ewan!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Mga pangarap ko...
After two years stuck pa rin ako sa call center. Nakakabore na talaga ang idea na araw araw sinasabi mo ang pareparehong canned responses sa customer mo. Pero maganda naman ang salary, so habang nandito pa ako, nagbabalak akong gamitin ang aking naipundar na kayamanan sa mas kanaisnais na adhikain.
Una:
Gusto kong magaral ulet, kahit anung kurso basta't law o medicine(gulo no?!). Gusto ko ring gumawa na sarili kong kasuotan-tshirt,maong pants at sapatos. Pakiramdam ko nga kailangan kung manirahan sa Marikina para matutunan ang paggawa ng sapatos. Tapos ibenta ko kasi ako ang gumawa, at wag ka, maganda ata ang mga idea ko! Di lang yan, gusto kong magaral ng kursong nippongo, kasi nga medyo mahilig din ako sa anime. Tapos susuutin ko ang mga gawa ko sa office at magpapasikat habang nagsasalita ng Japanese(magmumuka ata akong tanga nun...)
Pangalawa:
Gusto kong magkaron ng maraming orkidyas sa bahay namin para magmukhang malamig at
maaliwalas ang kapaligiran. Pakiramdam ko kasi kapag nagkaganun, magiging mala rainforest ang paligid namin, kaya malamig talaga, pero ganun nga ba yun?
Ah basta mas maraming halaman sa paligid mas maganda! Makakapagemote pa ako sa kanta ni Madonna na Rain habang umuulan at nasa ilalim ng akong sariling ecosystem. Wag lang umulan ng linggo, kakalungkot yun eh...
Pangatlo:
Gusto kong maging propesyonal na blogger na kumikita ng 6-thou dollars kada buwan(illusyonada ba ako?!), sa ganung paraan maalis ko ang karamihan ng insecurity sa sarili ko at matulungan ang mga taong napapangitan sa sarili nila na maging mas maayos. Syempre, gagawin ko yun ng libre, mas masarap ata ang pakiramdam ng tumulong kesa sa natulungan!
Pangapat:
Gusto ko ng magaral magmasahe. Three hundred to Five hundred pesos ang bayad kaya sa mga masseur kada oras!(minsan may tip pa!) Pantawid gutom din yun ba! At siempre, magseserbisyo lang ako kada day-off ko. Sa panahon ngayun, wala kang mabubunggong pera kapag nakatunganga ka at gagamitin ko yung pera binayad ng mga customer ko pambili ng roasted chicken. Simpleng pangarap pero swabeh...
Panglima:
Maging all-around technician. Mapa cellphone man yan o kaya Ibook kaya kung gawan ng paraan para maayos. Alam ko maraming bokasyonal na paaralan ang nag ooper nito...Sa paligid natin na puro teknolohiya dapat alam ko kung paano sila aayusin kapag nasira sila. Baka bigyan pa ako ng mayaman kong customer ng notebook sa sobrang tuwa nya sa serbisyo ko...
Hanngang dun na lang muna. Ang daming pangarap na gusto kong tuparin, tutal bata pa naman ako at marami pang magagawa. Paisaisa ko silang sisimulan.
Shet, wala na pala akung pondo. Teka, magtatrabaho muna ako ulet para makaipon...mararating ko ang lahat ng yun...
Una:
Gusto kong magaral ulet, kahit anung kurso basta't law o medicine(gulo no?!). Gusto ko ring gumawa na sarili kong kasuotan-tshirt,maong pants at sapatos. Pakiramdam ko nga kailangan kung manirahan sa Marikina para matutunan ang paggawa ng sapatos. Tapos ibenta ko kasi ako ang gumawa, at wag ka, maganda ata ang mga idea ko! Di lang yan, gusto kong magaral ng kursong nippongo, kasi nga medyo mahilig din ako sa anime. Tapos susuutin ko ang mga gawa ko sa office at magpapasikat habang nagsasalita ng Japanese(magmumuka ata akong tanga nun...)
Pangalawa:
Gusto kong magkaron ng maraming orkidyas sa bahay namin para magmukhang malamig at
maaliwalas ang kapaligiran. Pakiramdam ko kasi kapag nagkaganun, magiging mala rainforest ang paligid namin, kaya malamig talaga, pero ganun nga ba yun?
Ah basta mas maraming halaman sa paligid mas maganda! Makakapagemote pa ako sa kanta ni Madonna na Rain habang umuulan at nasa ilalim ng akong sariling ecosystem. Wag lang umulan ng linggo, kakalungkot yun eh...
Pangatlo:
Gusto kong maging propesyonal na blogger na kumikita ng 6-thou dollars kada buwan(illusyonada ba ako?!), sa ganung paraan maalis ko ang karamihan ng insecurity sa sarili ko at matulungan ang mga taong napapangitan sa sarili nila na maging mas maayos. Syempre, gagawin ko yun ng libre, mas masarap ata ang pakiramdam ng tumulong kesa sa natulungan!
Pangapat:
Gusto ko ng magaral magmasahe. Three hundred to Five hundred pesos ang bayad kaya sa mga masseur kada oras!(minsan may tip pa!) Pantawid gutom din yun ba! At siempre, magseserbisyo lang ako kada day-off ko. Sa panahon ngayun, wala kang mabubunggong pera kapag nakatunganga ka at gagamitin ko yung pera binayad ng mga customer ko pambili ng roasted chicken. Simpleng pangarap pero swabeh...
Panglima:
Maging all-around technician. Mapa cellphone man yan o kaya Ibook kaya kung gawan ng paraan para maayos. Alam ko maraming bokasyonal na paaralan ang nag ooper nito...Sa paligid natin na puro teknolohiya dapat alam ko kung paano sila aayusin kapag nasira sila. Baka bigyan pa ako ng mayaman kong customer ng notebook sa sobrang tuwa nya sa serbisyo ko...
Hanngang dun na lang muna. Ang daming pangarap na gusto kong tuparin, tutal bata pa naman ako at marami pang magagawa. Paisaisa ko silang sisimulan.
Shet, wala na pala akung pondo. Teka, magtatrabaho muna ako ulet para makaipon...mararating ko ang lahat ng yun...
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